U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to calm my uterus...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
