dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
