I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do vagina's smell?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
