out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need water and some morals
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
