just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
