I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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