did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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