i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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