my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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