So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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