i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
