please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
