I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
