I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am one with the molecules
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
