I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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