I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
