There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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