The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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