Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
