She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
