You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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