I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
