he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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