I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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