I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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