I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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