"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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