my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
