I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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