my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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