drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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