Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
