Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
