Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
