OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
