He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
