There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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