yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
