Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
