it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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