Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
