i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
