he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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