i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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