I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
