Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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