Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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