He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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