I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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