apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
