Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
