How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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