I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
