definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
