you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
