Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
