Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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