We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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