I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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