never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
