I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
