So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
