The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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