The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
