please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
