atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
