Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
