he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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