i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
