Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
