Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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