Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
