I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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