I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
