so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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