do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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