Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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