I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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