I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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