she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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